Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Girls at parties are like parking spaces, if you're late all the good ones are gone, So when nobody's looking you stick it in the disabled one....

   Nice try, fat girls ordering a salad on the first date. Nice try.

   More people chose to be religious more from their fear of hell than their love of their faith.

   twighlight did to vampires what brokeback mountain did to cowboys

   No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.

   Old Macdonald had tourettes,...e....i.....e.....i.... c%*t

   S.H.I.T.: So Happy It's Thursday.

   Playing Wheel Of Fortune- Phrase G_F_CK Y_ _RS_LF ..would you like to solve or would you like to buy a vowel??

   What's more shocking than finding out Shirley Temple has died? Finding out Shirley Temple was still alive.

   Romney spent $800m to not be president. I spent nothing for the same result. Who's the better business man now?

   Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead.

   Religious people on being born g@y: "There's no scientific proof!" Religious people on religion: "We don't need scientific proof!"

   The only reason women can't park is because we are constantly being lied to about what 8 inches really is.

   All these people ready to vote for a runner up from 6 years ago that could not handle her last job....

   going over his plans for world domination and all those who have crossed him in the past will be unmercifully slaughtered....have a great day!!

   Nancy Pelosi: Doing to health care what she did to her face!

   Sometimes you gotta have a Jimmy Carter before you can have a Ronald Reagan.

   Warning: Spelling errors in this message are the product of a poor school system. Pay teachures more than athletes.

   Watching golf is like watching paint dry....

   When someone yells "Shotgun!" I yell "Rosa Parks!" sit down and refuse to move.