Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My view on gun control. The criminal is the cheetah and the average U.S. citizen is the antelope. The cheetah will always be there to attack the antelope. Stripping the antelope of its horns will not solve the problem. It makes it defenseless.

   Bacon is bacon; eggs is eggs; dont let them boys between your legs; they'll say your cute; they'll say your fine; 9 months later they'll say it ain't mine

   Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.

   The PopeMobile: Because Nothing says "I have faith in God" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.

   by the power vested in me, I know pronounce you ... Blocked & Deleted. You may now kiss my @ss

   it normal that one of my balls is bigger then the other two?

   God made your butt crack up and down because if it were sideways, when you went down a slide it would sound like this bufufufufufufufuublubufubufbufbufbuf

   wonders if people who use sign language are allowed to talk with their mouth full....

   It's a Red Bull kind of day.

   ˙ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ sı

   Katy Perry is brought to you today by the number 34 and the letters "D D" Can You tell me how to get,how to get to sex-with-me-street?

   donating money to various GAY FRIENDLY groups in the name of the Westboro Baptist church.

   Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall

   Let's all go caroling at a Jehovah's witness house...

   What do you call a computer that can sing? A dell.

   A King without a Queen is still a King.

   "GET YOUR ASS IN LINE"...~House Speaker John BOEhner's statement to fellow Republicans....I suspect a flurry of worker's comp claims.

   USA - "Dad can I borrow a few trillion dollars?" England - "...Ask your mother" China - "Hell no I'm not giving you any money!! You'll just let your government friends waste it all on gambling.

   My temptation and my common sense are having one hell of a battle...

   That uneasy moment when you get into a van and there isn't any candy...