Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   #Tebow will be the first person in history to leave the mile-high club a virgin.

   Bacon pie crust. Does that exist? Because if it doesn't I think I'm going to be a millionaire.

   In the Czech Republic abortions are known as cancelled Czechs

   Don't be sad, don't be blue, frankenstein was ugly too!

   ‎- My missus was so sick this morning........That I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast....

   you may bang hundreds of girls,but your heart belongs to one girl only....so keep banging till you find her.

   Why Yes Officer...I did see the Speed Limit sign...I just didn't see YOUR car!

   With great power comes a great electric bill.

   Two women are sitting in church. One leans over and whispers to the other, "My butt is going to sleep". The other replies, "I know, I've heard it snore three times"

   Am I the only one who has ever deleted a 'friend' just to use their status that was funny?

   discovered last weekend that if you play a Justin Biber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Biber

   Why is the Sunday paper available on Saturday, does nothing happen that's worth calling news on Saturday?

   People eat at Mcdonalds because they either.(A) love it but don't know how bad it is for you (B) Love it but they don't care that it's bad for you (C).Don't really like it but eat it because they desperatly need to clean out thier colon.

   Bless the millions that will be attending the March for Life in DC today, with our President.

   I feel bad for the kids these days that see a cool toy on TV, but can't order it because their parents have to be over 18 to call.

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I bounce my boobs on the jfdslkhdjkhkjdvvgffdzbsldk;/ffdlskn\/njvglnxlk\cz/\/sl/\sn

   Friday the 13th might be an unlucky day, but when you live in the land of bacon, badasses and bald eagles, every day is a lucky day....... ‪#‎America‬

   How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife's clothes.

   normal..it's everyone else that's weird.

   Article on USA Today talking about guns "Role in suicides". I guess the next time someone jumps off a bridge, we will start talking about tearing all of the bridges in America down...