Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why did the girl cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we were at three hours ago.

   9 out of 10 men prefer a woman with a big booty, the 10th guy prefers the 9 other men

   I live on the corner of Funny Street and Silly Road,in Crazy Town which is in Physco Valley,in a twisted state of mind!

   My internet is so slow today that it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.

   We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance.

   If you strangle the next person that posts about choking Smurfs....would anyone care?

   If you're not ready to die for it, take the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary. – Malcom X

   A boy will ask a girl for her pics without her clothes on. A man will ask a girl for her pics without her makeup on.

   My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section

   You know you love someone when you talk to them on the phone while you're on the toilet

   Lady Gaga was at the White House today. The President was in Kansas, and willing to go further if necessary.

   Obama- When we pull our troops out of Afghanistan-its not that we are abandoning you...we will follow you on Twitter

   H.O.E.S = HAPPILY OFFERING EVERYONE SEX.

   I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he doesn't let you touch anything

   I picked up this chick last Friday night. I'm not saying she's fat or anything, but when I pulled her panties down to her knees, her a$$ was still in them. :(

   For those who are upset when they see the word Xmas, just know that the Old English word (12th Century) for Christmas begins with X. The Greek word for Christ (which the English word derives) begins with the Greek letter "chi", or X. So its use is proper

   wonders what would happen if he was scared half to death....twice??

   blames it on the alcohol.

   Tiger Woods is officially black. His wife busted out his car windows with a golf club @ 3 am , & he clammed up when questioned by the police. Welcome back Tiger

   Someone please tell Barack I'm BAROKE.