Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sorting out your Facebook friends list? Change the date of your birthday and anyone who wishes you happy birthday, delete!

   How many blacks does it take to start a riot? Minus one.

   Marriage is hard. Marriage is so hard Nelson Mandela got divorced. He spend 27 years in south african prison getting tortured and beaten everyday for 27 years straight. He got out of jail, was 6 months with wife, and said "i cant take this s#it"

   Congrats Google Plus on being the new Myspace replacement. RIP facebook

   Who you tryin' to get crazy with ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

   ''excuse me miss but I have a magical watch and its telling me you arent wearing any pants''.....''well actually I am!!''........''oh, well it must be an hour fast''

   Escalators never break down, they just turn into stairs

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   COME TO THE DORK SIDE...We Have Computers And High-Speed Internet With A Pentium 4 Processor ^_^

   thinks we have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

   I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. All he does is eat, drink and be Mary.

   I think a tampon makes a better vampire than the twilight guy.

   The walking dead:::: best show on t.v..also on netflix..

   wouldnt life be prefect if sweatpants were sexy, mondays were fun, junk food didnt make you fat, girls didnt cause so much drama, guys werent so confusing, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

   Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.

   Twilight. A love triangle between a mentally handicapped girl, a disco ball, and a hairy pedophile.

   Dear guy who sends batman messages using the sky light signal, it's 2012 just send him a text

   Never ignore a person who loves you and cares for you. One day you may realise you've lost the moon while busy counting the stars.

   Would anyone go to a zoo that didn't have walls or fences?

   The blue whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10 percent enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty? :D