Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Between Gaay Pride and Juneteenth, I say we eliminate this month altogether.

   Phil Robertson should totally hook up with Paula Deen. 2 Evils come together

   Black mothers be like "your dad was on that Malaysia flight."

   I masturbate so much that when a woman tries to give me a hand job my d ick yells "stranger danger!"

   wants to Google her Myspace while she Twitters my Yahoo.

   I only have sex on days that begin with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday and Thunday.

   "Yes, black guys. We feel you." - fat white girls

   kids that stutter can blame their moms for using a vibrator while they were pregnant

   Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down… You have my word

   My gf says her doctor said no sex for 2 weeks ..ahh oh k but what your dentist say..!

   ♫♫♫ If.. yourrrr happy and you know it share you meds. (clap, clap) If your happy and you know it share you meds. (clap, clap) If your happy and you know it then a pi$$ test will clearly show it. If your happy and you know it share you meds. ♫♫â

   Every other countries policy: you don't work, you don't eat! USA policy: you work, you don't eat!

   WARNING: if you see posts offering free clip of the new Nickelback album DO NOT CLICK. It links to a free clip of the new Nickelback album.

   How much for the frog? No, that one.... No, THAT one. Goddammit, how much for the frog, that one with the tail?... Well excuse me! How much for the lizard then

   why test on animals when we have pedofiles in prison.

   "If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?"

   may contain traces of nuts.

   Thinks Women are like scratch-off tickets… There fun to do, ….. Most of the time they turn out to be losers, …. If your lucky you'll get a winner, ……. And in the end you spend more than you get!

   looking at the NFL schedule, the NFL needs to change who plays the Thanksgiving game. It should be Patriots vs. Redskins in Washington. Then, after the game, the Patriots kill the Redskins and take their stadium away from them...

   walked past the fridge last night and thought she heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song but when she opened the fridge door it was just chives talking.