Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think this dude was hitting on me while I was playing basketball today. He runs over to me, smacks me on the a$$ and says, "Nice shot bro!" Which wouldn't be so bad but I hadn't even put my shoes on yet let alone taken a shot.

   •Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

   How can I explain Your love And how it turns my world up side down

   in need of an ego boost. Maybe she'll take one of those "English as Second Language" courses and really take a moment to shine.

   Regarding the show CAKE BOSS: How FAT of a country have we become that CAKE is the star of a hit show?

   I wonder if tennis ballboys brag about their "gets" to each other. "You see that? I grabbed the $hit out of that ball! School's in session, boys. I am lightning!"

   I've heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon

   no retreat no surrender no compromise no going back

   you'll always be my hero. even though you've lost your mind

   People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church.

   The hot nurse wants to take a blood sample. If I can get some back into my veins, I'll oblige her.

   was about to put on my white jeans then realized it's after Labour Day. Phew, what a fashion mistake that would have been. I put on my acid washed jeans and leg warmers instead.

   Hello Network Solutions, we have a problem.

   Thankful for Mr. Austin Nichols...... you taught me that some people have faith, some have a strong will, but I have your Wild Turkey to get me through.

   How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?

   Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...and you'll never land a job working for a women's magazine.

   thinks that a perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children

   Maybe it's just me, but I think throwing rocks and feces at Tila Tequila officially renders you a member of the Sane Clown Posse.

   Putting the "i" in team since (insert your date of birth)

   So she "just wants to be friends." Cheer up! That's more than most people want to be with you.