Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal suddenly drops. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.

   my pants are like a cheap hotel, no ballroom

   Shake N' Bake

   Lindsay Lohan's upcoming film could be derailed by her failed drug tests. That is, unless her acting gets to it first.

   I really would've liked the movie about Facebook a whole lot more if it wasn't full of Farmville invites

   just seen Roy Hodgson speeding down the motorway at 140mph, with a splif in one hand a can of Carlsberg in the other. This fella will do anything for 3 points!!

   Hates it when I can't tell if it's a man or woman smiling at me. I don't know whether to smile back or run!!

   does Rosetta Stone have a version that teaches you English??

   if only super glue worked on ANYTHING as well as gluing it's own cap on........

   Thinks given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.

   The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there ..

   pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!

   If you ask me "Is it snowing OUTSIDE?" prepare to get a sarcastic response.

   hopes that the recent actions of Muhamed-Bob Flare Pants doesn't necessitate Homeland Security from implementing undergarment removal at airport security checkpoints

   Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

   I think this dude was hitting on me while I was playing basketball today. He runs over to me, smacks me on the a$$ and says, "Nice shot bro!" Which wouldn't be so bad but I hadn't even put my shoes on yet let alone taken a shot.

   •Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

   How can I explain Your love And how it turns my world up side down

   in need of an ego boost. Maybe she'll take one of those "English as Second Language" courses and really take a moment to shine.

   Regarding the show CAKE BOSS: How FAT of a country have we become that CAKE is the star of a hit show?