Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Full Disclosure: I stole all these words from the dictionary

   Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.

   One thing you will never hear me say, "Yes, that IS my Prius"

   Loud music is cheaper than a psychiatrist..

   Before sliced bread, the best invention was food that didn't run away when you tried to eat it.

   Revenge .....Naaaaa , I'm too lazy , I'm just going to sit here and let Karma Fvck you up

   Mini skirts don't work on maxi butts.

   I'm having such bad luck today, if I was in prison... Then today would of been the day I dropped the soap!

   BREAKING: Internet Blackout Forces Millions to Interact with Other People

   I could eat Gandhi's sandals right now I'm so effin hungry.

   I used some Special Shampoo to increase the volume of my Hair. Now it's so loud I can't hear myself think.

   The people doing it in pornos are in love, right?

   OMG! I just saw an albino Polar Bear...

   says I've heard that the hardest part of Rollerblading is telling your parents that you're gay.

   You give me one leather jacket, I invest it, then give you back TWO leather jackets!" - Fonzi Scheme

   Being at my job is just like being a stuntman...I get stabbed in the back, thrown under the bus and pushed over the edge daily. But without the hazzard pay.

   i still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!

   Home: the place I can poop for as long as I want to.

   We use cuss words so much nowadays they have lost their meaning and occasional glory.

   To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.