Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Guys posting about the royal wedding should have their MAN CARDS revoked!!! 
Use OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans?
I love it when Friday is in town :))))) because she always brings her friends Saturday and Sunday along too!
they should just put a shamwow on the oil spill.
99 donuts cause the B!tch ate one
All my friends who have Girlfriends want to be single... All my friends who are single want girlfriend friends... As for me, I just want a slave...
What are three words a man doesn't want to hear during sex? "Honey i'm home!"
nothing worse than whacking the door frame with morning wood
Growing up in New Orleans, Peyton Manning always dreamed he would throw the winning pass to help the Saints win the Super Bowl! Mission accomplished!
Today's Quote "Not every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!
When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Hey guys. Everybody. let's all give Santa a break this year.......Be naughty.
My doctor recently took me off all my medications. It turns out I'm really an 82 year old man named Morris from Staten Island.
got kicked out of bowling tonight for spiking the ball after I made a strike.
Attention kids in high school: If you're b@#$%ing that Facebook is "becoming myspace".... it's because of you.... please stop b@#$%ing and use facebook for what it was made for... to lurk on other peoples photos
..and I would have gotten away with it, if it wasnt for those meddling policemen
When someone tries to impress you, it means they're impressed by you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes... and women say the first thing they notice about men iss they're a bunch of liars.
*disclamer* no animals were harmed in the crafting of this status update. Stunt doubles were substituted and all theories were tested on a closed course. 