Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Don't waste your time on things that only hurt you, and remember to forget those who forget you. 
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
Man I wanna throw a book at someone face and be like "I Facebooked you!" Lol
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
Beat it. Beat it. No one wants to be defeated. Shongda hupfucky. Homga shuntvight. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
So, the gov't is going to let us keep something we already bought? Mighty white of them...
People dropout of school and get a job at McDonald's talking bout "on my grind" yeah okay, GRIND me up a Oreo McFlurry with yo dumb ass
I would rather smack a piñata filled with diarrhea than go down on a Kardashian.
Mayan Guy: Hey wanna beer? Other Mayan Guy: I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.
I don't think Lance Armstrong took steroids. He doesn't have the balls to do such a thing.
It's always fun to mess with new neighbors. I told the new neighbor across from me "Well at least you made it longer than the last 2 tenants there. They both died there within 2 weeks."
It’s so funny to wake up each day and see ppl in their 20s, 30s,40s, acting like two year olds. Go back to your safe place because there’s 6 more years to go
Hillary Clinton could sacrifice a newborn baby on live tv and her supporters would say it was taken out of context
When you're an Atheist, every Friday is good and nobody has to die.
I read today that 99% of women don't like men in leather pants. That is convenient...because 99% of men in leather pants don't like women.
so another day has come and gone and I still haven't used algebra
So it's 12/12/12...not the date, but the IQ's of Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian & Paris Hilton! ツ
R.I.P Lindsay Lohan... She didnt really but I'm practicing...
Oprah sister is the new Pat; Pat is the new Stedman and Stedman is the new Tampon. 