Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   If my mother knew how many potential grandchildren I swallowed I wonder if she'd be proud or appalled.

   NEWS FLASH: The mother who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox looses custody... *The child didn't look surprised.

   When you get married, wouldn't it make more sense for the groom's mother to walk the bride down the aisle? That way you would have the woman that brought you into this world and the woman that will take you out of it.

   I just found out my mother-in-law is going to be staying with us for the Thanksgiving Weekend. Well, it looks like I have to clean out the hall closet again.....she is going to need somewhere to hang upside down and sleep

   On a scale of 1 to Mother-in-law How annoying are you?

   I blame all this snow on people who think its fun to decorate for Christmas before thanksgiving. ... mother nature just went along with them. ...so they cant b*tch..

   Dear CBS please put How I Met Your Mother to the Sitcom Cemetery

   The worst part about watching The Food Network while my mother in law tries to follow their recipes during the Holidays is the sad fact that they don't deliver.

   that all you got? Come on Mother Nature, put your big girl panties on!!

   Son, your mother and I need to talk to you. We went through your room earlier and found....NO drugs OR p orn?! What are you some kind of nerd

   You name it, my mother knows somebody who died of it.

   This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: "Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken."

   I was in the middle of a selfie and my mother walked in, now all she can say is "don't worry son everyone's doing that."

   Daughter: Momma, can a woman get pregnant from an@l s3x? Mother: Sure Honey. Where do you think politicians come from?

   Polar vortex proof Mother nature is not having a gender identity crisis. In everyday terms that's cold hearted.

   "FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!" - Mother Nature

   I am not joking who ever pissed off mother nature Stop!

   Dear Mother Nature: Get off the Vortex aleready.

   That moment when you realize you will probably never be half the man your mother is...

   I think Old Man Winter & Mother Nature need to have a few drinks and make a little Spring.