Funny Status Messages
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I swear Blackberry must be a FEMALE. Only a woman can ignore you for three days flat and then pretend nothing was wrong! 
Believe it or not WOMAN has MAN in it. FEMALE has MALE in it. SHE has HE in it. MADAM has ADAM in it, no wonder men always want to be inside a woman.
If I say something that offends you, Please let me know so I can say it again later!..
I love it when people I hate get in trouble.
Hillary Clinton gave Putin's Russia 20% of America's uranium and 9 investors in the deal funneled $145 million to Hillary's foundation.
Hillary is kickin her own ass now. Bin Laden was one of her biggest donors
My grandfather is voting for Hillary.I'd try to talk him out of it but he's been dead for a long time now....
If you're feeling the Bern it might be the clap. Better get it checked.
Why are all these women protesting, shouldn't they be at home cooking?
NEVER let someone know what annoys you...or you will fuel their fire...
has realized there is no Popcorn in Popcorn Chicken. Guess there is no sense in trying the Hash Brown either then!
Dear Customers, Yes, we are making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies!!
Remember the tea kettle, though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
head and shoulders needs to come out with a new shampoo. called knees and toes
I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying
The stuff I never tell anyone is so much more awesome than the stuff I tell everyone.
Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.
Wanted: Friend with benefit. I'm not selfish, you don't even have to enjoy it!
One packet of Kool-Aid 10 cents, one pitcher to put the Kool-Aid $2.00, drinking all the Kool-Aid and putting the almost empty container back in the fridge and having the wife blame and b*tch out the kids for it, PRICELESS
there are two types of people in the world; Those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money 