Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for solitaire.

   This 'places' thing still scares me a little. It's like saying, "Hey stranger, come find me, look I made it really easy for you."

   a strong man stands up for himself,an even stronger man stands up for others

   Facebook needs a *LOVE* button... I'd hit it!!

   We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And some people still wonder why some are afraid when they are told they are loved.

   DON'T hit kids, NO- seriously, they have guns now.

   n't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office?

   I'm pretty sure the guy who came up with Guitar Hero got the idea from a scantron test!

   It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

   If I call you a "HO" these final days of 2009, it's only for the holiday purposes... *smirks*

   The probability of the bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet.

   Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.

   it true? are they finally serving milk at Hooters???

   An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.

   Would Like To Know Where He Can Purchase A GPS For His Life Journey, I Made A Wrong Turn And Can't Get Back On The Damn Highway!

   I like to go up to people playing Solitaire and ask "Who's winning?"

   When your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her status, you know you've either done something very right or something very wrong.

   was born cool, but global warming made me hot!

   The McRib is made of the same fat they injected in Joan Rivers lips.

   Dear makers of Cialis, when I reach middle age and find myslef needing your product, contrary to the advice you offer about calling a doctor if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, I can assure you that I will be calling a film crew instead