Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Wear a smile. One size fits all 
Honey, I'm lookin' at the 1,500 pictures of yourself that you posted on Facebook.. but where's the one of your self-respect?
If I win Power Ball tonight....I'll spend the rest of my life in my whitie tighties judging people on the internet. So basically same thing just $550 million richer.
Nothing makes me happier at work than walking into the bathroom and all the stalls are empty.
Every time I do a good deed, something bad happens.
A sense of humor is a man's cleavage
What’s with this “name an animal that doesn’t have an “A” in it? It's harder than you think!” How about effing Dog?? Seriously…
When I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
thinks her inner skinny girl was eaten by her inner fat girl....
When your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her status, you know you've either done something very right or something very wrong.
was born cool, but global warming made me hot!
The McRib is made of the same fat they injected in Joan Rivers lips.
Dear makers of Cialis, when I reach middle age and find myslef needing your product, contrary to the advice you offer about calling a doctor if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, I can assure you that I will be calling a film crew instead
A commercial traveller was passing through a small town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. "Who died?" he asked a nearby local. "I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think it's the one in the coffin."
I just got home from the airport where I chose the advanced pat down option and now it really hurts when I pee. I really hope that's just a coincidence
I would do alot of things... But catch a grenade... Line has got to be drawn somewhere...
If I call you a "HO" these final days of 2009, it's only for the holiday purposes... *smirks*
The probability of the bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet.
Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.
it true? are they finally serving milk at Hooters??? 