Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   (RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)²

   If a Dog Sniffs Your A*s, You're Probably a Bit*h

   My girlfriend and I always have sex doggy style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.

   Every time I watch Titanic, I'm more convinced that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard.

   Never really got OxiClean to work the way Billy Mays could....

   pretty sure it's what Jesus would have done...

   There are 3 things that drive me nuts in this world...People who think they know it all and people who can't count!!

   With all the money used during war in afghanistan, the americans could have written f*ck off bin laden on the moon!

   If you need a car that dose the parallel parking for you then you should NOT be driving to begin with .

   My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.

   I just saw a baby with a shirt that said "Pardon my nipple breath"

   It's colder than a tin toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg!

   Setting up a Facebook account for your unborn child should be considered child abuse.

   Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him.

   BREAKING NEWS: Apple sues Apple, because the iPhone 5 looks exactly like the previously release iPhone 4....

   I bought a counterfeit money detector pen, You should see the expression on my dope mans face when I used it to check the change from the 8-ball...

   It's been a year since the Boston bombing. It makes me very sad that one of the bombers is still alive.

   The reason women always get cold is because they can't keep their mouths shut long enough to store up any heat.

   Jehovah's Witnesses should preach on Halloween night, people might actually answer the door.

   WHENEVER YOU GET BORED , SEND THIS TEXT TO A RANDOM NUMBER....." I KILLED HIM , NOW WHAT ? "