Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I swear am going to climb my neighbours fence, steal his fu*king barking a*s dog, put it in my yard and see how he likes to be kept awake all night long.

   wonders “Why its called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky???”

   Facebook Gurls are sooo silly,U post the Sluttiest Photos of Ur self, & then you get Pissed when sum1 calls you Ugly,Cry when sum1 calls you fat,& offend By The Creepy guys friend request,grow up,& put sum cloths on

   Comply & you don't die. Pretty simple concept.

   beating his record for consecutive days alive!

   I also propose that two gay nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque to promote tolerance in the mosque. We could call them "The Turban Cowboy"and "You Mecca Me Hot."

   The Bible teaches you to love - and the Kamasutra explains how

   So I told my friend there is a new app for iphone where you can measure a pools temperature by putting the phone in the water.... Droid users 1 Apple 0

   such a thrill seeker. when I see "caution wet floor" signs, I speed up.

   (RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)²

   If a Dog Sniffs Your A*s, You're Probably a Bit*h

   Every time I watch Titanic, I'm more convinced that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard.

   My girlfriend and I always have sex doggy style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.

   Never really got OxiClean to work the way Billy Mays could....

   pretty sure it's what Jesus would have done...

   There are 3 things that drive me nuts in this world...People who think they know it all and people who can't count!!

   With all the money used during war in afghanistan, the americans could have written f*ck off bin laden on the moon!

   If you need a car that dose the parallel parking for you then you should NOT be driving to begin with .

   My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.

   I just saw a baby with a shirt that said "Pardon my nipple breath"