Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonald's; Not funny, grow up. 
I did so much yard work today, I might get deported.
You can grab my ass and my hair but don't EVER grab my arm and tell me to listen...
You should always f*ck like all your exes are watching.
When I was younger I use to slide bak and forth in the bathtub to make waves
NAMES: I bet you 10 times out of 10, guys with names like Ricky, Vinnie. Tony, Eddie will beat the sh*t out of guys with names like Kyle, Blaine, Brent, Cecil
"I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you picked up a little Mexícan girl and screamed, 'DORA! I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!'" @____@
I want all my Facebook friends to comment on this status, sharing how you met me. But, I want you to LIE. That's right, just make it up. After you commentf, copy and paste to your wall so I can do the same. I bet HALF won't read the instructions right.
twinkle twinkle little snitch...mind your own business you nosey b!tch
The thing I hate most about make-up sex is getting the nail polish and lipstick off my ball$.
"I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies
I never tip restroom attendants because they already got to listen to me poop, and you can't really put a price on that.
The best part about this status update is that by the time you've finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it
sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.
maybe Tiger Woods' relationship status should say "it's really complicated"
I was driving yesterday and I saw one of those Pokemon things and ran over it. Or maybe it was a BLM protester. Not sure.
Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."
Loving my new underwear...at least somethings gripping my ass
If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least 4 hours but a food shortage after..LOL
2 men went inside a bar.I was one of them.I dont remember anything else. 