Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The state of Washington is looking for a marijuana consultant now that marajuana has been legalized. That must be one of those green jobs president Obama is always talking about.

   If you're an American who feels that you are represented in your government, please contact me. I love people with imaginations.

   terrorists are starting to get worried coz Americans have now started to steal their jobs

   16 and a Olympian > 16 and Pregnent

   I'm not needy. I'm wanty!

   You know it's cold outside when you go outside and trip over dog poop instead of stepping in it

   these foreigners are all the same, once you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal.

   It's sad when I watch the news and the Weatherman is the one closet to the truth...

   It's only been 1 year of Biden! Let that sink in for a bit while you decide if you want gas OR groceries.

   Let's hope this Eclipse tonight is better than the last Twilight movie....

   Behind every successful man is a woman. She's behind him because he's running away from the crazy b1tch as fast as he can.

   Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to see Him soon.

   If a womans pregnant and uses a vibrator, does the kid come out with a stutter?

   What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?.... Wipes his ass.

   Do you think in China the forklifts are called chopstick lifts?

   It's cool when a band smashes their equipment after their last song. It'd be even cooler if Creed did it before their first song.

   Did you know if you go into google search and type in "askew" the page will shift to the right? Go try it!

   wishes the voices in his head would quit singing off-key

   We don't need "another" Immigration Bill. We need to enforce the law of the land and send them HOME.... Since when it is become fashionable to REWARD people for breaking the law????

   He's not really dead, he's trapped in the jungle waiting for some to roll an 5 or 8