Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ladies: Sometimes it's the mind games you play, that drive him into the arms of another woman.

   The pain your heart feels when you have your mind set on a shoe and they tell you "We don't have your size"

   hey black guys. When you cover yourself in tatoos, you just look blacker...

   waiting on the kool-aid guy to burst through my wall!

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   So, this freed Chilean miner walks into a bar, hot chick buys him a drink & says "Your place or mine?"

   saw Harry Potter at midnight last night. LOL JK, I have a life.

   I named my dìck truth, because bìtchès can't handle it.

   Loves To Be Bipolar...Hates To be Bipolar

   One loyal Girlfriend is worth more than one hundred hoes..

   Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy. But rain on a woman wearing a white T-shirt and no bra makes me VERY happy!

   Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.

   Actually has a dai off tomorrow? Wow, it's been so long I can't even remember how to spell it

   I thought you were good looking, until I clicked "view more pictures"

   Life doesn't change. Only the people in it.

   Why can you buy movies at Walmart with nude scenes in them and can't by a CD with cussin??

   certain that the news companies are now just making stuff up to try and scare us because I've just seen the headline 'KILLER CUCUMBER CLAIMS 10 LIVES.'

   Relationship Status: Committed to remaining single

   it's not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting some of them.

   If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.