father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 12:30 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father taught me that Respect was something that had to be earned ..... So I'm still trying to figure out how looting and burning other peoples stuff is supposed to build respect for your cause.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-30-2013 08:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Conrad Murray is guilty?!? In other surprising news, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced, Casey Anthony killed her daughter and Justin Beiber will never be anyones father because he is, in fact, a girl...
←Rate | 11-07-2011 16:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up
←Rate | 02-14-2012 22:59 by @specialed40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..
←Rate | 06-18-2011 13:25 by me Comments (1)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me
←Rate | 06-29-2010 23:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??
←Rate | 09-17-2014 10:45 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 10:16 by MatthewPacheco Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just woke my kids up and told them, “It's Father's Day! Where's my present?” They just started crying.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 05:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
←Rate | 01-24-2013 01:00 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?
←Rate | 02-08-2013 08:08 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...
←Rate | 08-22-2011 13:41 by F Comments (0)  

   messageicon I met with my new girlfriends father for the first time yesterday. The first thing I said to him was, "Sir, you and me have something in common.." "What's that son?" I replied "Your daughter calls us both Daddy"
←Rate | 04-14-2011 15:37 by Master Weeg Comments (0)  

   messageicon To all those that use our competitors brand...Happy Father's Day From the people of Durex
←Rate | 06-18-2011 18:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?
←Rate | 12-19-2015 08:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead
←Rate | 04-18-2012 11:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
←Rate | 05-29-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going to dress up as Maury Povich for Halloween and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 18:05 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

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