father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

   My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."

   A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.

   Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."

   Conrad Murray is guilty?!? In other surprising news, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced, Casey Anthony killed her daughter and Justin Beiber will never be anyones father because he is, in fact, a girl...

   seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..

   When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me

   Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.

   Just woke my kids up and told them, “It's Father's Day! Where's my present?” They just started crying.

   All I’m saying is what kind of father would encourage a wayward son to carry on?

   I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?

   flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father.

   Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...

   I met with my new girlfriends father for the first time yesterday. The first thing I said to him was, "Sir, you and me have something in common.." "What's that son?" I replied "Your daughter calls us both Daddy"

   To all those that use our competitors brand...Happy Father's Day From the people of Durex

   Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

   "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead

   A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??