father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
←Rate | 06-16-2010 22:28 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
←Rate | 01-24-2013 01:00 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-30-2013 08:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Conrad Murray is guilty?!? In other surprising news, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced, Casey Anthony killed her daughter and Justin Beiber will never be anyones father because he is, in fact, a girl...
←Rate | 11-07-2011 16:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..
←Rate | 06-18-2011 13:25 by me Comments (1)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me
←Rate | 06-29-2010 23:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 10:16 by MatthewPacheco Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just woke my kids up and told them, “It's Father's Day! Where's my present?” They just started crying.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 05:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I’m saying is what kind of father would encourage a wayward son to carry on?
←Rate | 03-15-2021 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?
←Rate | 02-08-2013 08:08 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...
←Rate | 08-22-2011 13:41 by F Comments (0)  

   messageicon I met with my new girlfriends father for the first time yesterday. The first thing I said to him was, "Sir, you and me have something in common.." "What's that son?" I replied "Your daughter calls us both Daddy"
←Rate | 04-14-2011 15:37 by Master Weeg Comments (0)  

   messageicon To all those that use our competitors brand...Happy Father's Day From the people of Durex
←Rate | 06-18-2011 18:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?
←Rate | 12-19-2015 08:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up
←Rate | 02-14-2012 22:59 by @specialed40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
←Rate | 05-29-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead
←Rate | 04-18-2012 11:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??
←Rate | 09-17-2014 10:45 Comments (4)  

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