father OR dad Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 12:30 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father taught me that Respect was something that had to be earned ..... So I'm still trying to figure out how looting and burning other peoples stuff is supposed to build respect for your cause.
←Rate | 09-22-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met with my new girlfriends father for the first time yesterday. The first thing I said to him was, "Sir, you and me have something in common.." "What's that son?" I replied "Your daughter calls us both Daddy"
←Rate | 04-14-2011 15:37 by Master Weeg Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-30-2013 08:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conrad Murray is guilty?!? In other surprising news, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced, Casey Anthony killed her daughter and Justin Beiber will never be anyones father because he is, in fact, a girl...
←Rate | 11-07-2011 16:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
←Rate | 06-16-2010 22:28 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..
←Rate | 06-18-2011 13:25 by me Comments (1)  


   messageicon You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up
←Rate | 02-14-2012 22:59 by @specialed40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.
←Rate | 06-20-2010 10:16 by MatthewPacheco Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just woke my kids up and told them, “It's Father's Day! Where's my present?” They just started crying.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 05:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.
←Rate | 11-19-2011 22:05 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me
←Rate | 06-29-2010 23:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon some old man is claiming Oprah is his daughter.... I think she should atleast interview him on her show. Not because he's her alleged father but because he's a black man admitting he's the baby daddy!
←Rate | 04-21-2010 01:07 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...
←Rate | 08-22-2011 13:41 by F Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich... And fat... And drunk... Well, at least two of those
←Rate | 06-16-2013 10:30 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all those that use our competitors brand...Happy Father's Day From the people of Durex
←Rate | 06-18-2011 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?
←Rate | 12-19-2015 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
←Rate | 01-24-2013 01:00 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend who just returned from a visit to the recently looted CVS in Baltimore said all that was left in the entire store was suntan lotion and Father's Day cards...
←Rate | 05-11-2015 17:21 Comments (2)  



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