Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken

   -- I saw a kid earlier with a hairy face and horrible beady eyes.......Saying that, I suppose it's normal for a goat...

   Job Application Tip: If asked "Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" the incorrect response is, "No, I pleaded insanity."

   I wish, with a passion, that I could find the strength to give you one more chance.

   If people who shop at Walmart, "Save Money. Live Better." Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?

   saying AT&T promised bars in more places, but everywhere I go I see the same bars and the same drunks

   The beatings will stop when morale improves.

   maturity is knowing when and where to be immature...

   Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

   just told that karma will come back around if I make fun of stupid people...now, I only make fun of rich, goodlooking skinny people!

   needs some fresh air and regrets the decision to let the cat lick up the spilled Fiber One yogurt.

   You could learn a lot by listening. So shut up and let me talk.

   I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

   We are seeing some hard times. Even Santa's feeling the pinch, I hear he's down to just one Ho!

   while it is true there are plenty of other fish in the sea, its also true most aren't even close to being a trophy.

   Just finished reading the book, "What Women Want". It was a pretty lengthy but interesting I guess. I figured I would follow it up and read, "What Men Want", but I found out that it was just a pamphlet

   playing loud music to keep from hearing her own thoughts

   feels incredibly overwhelmed by all the work I have to do today... Of course, the responsible thing to do is to update my Facebook status.

   the recession must really be over...McDonald has brought back the Monopoly games!

   It was pretty irresponsible to put a little girl in charge of a bunch of sheep. They should have started Little Bo Peep with something easier like a hamster.