santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   All I want for Christmas is you... Just kidding I want Money

   This year, I'm thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.

   the world didn't end today?!?! Boy do I have a lot Christmas shopping to do now!

   I think this Christmas Eve it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a Merry Christmas ....... poor guy.

   The people who insist you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" are just trying to Police Navidad.

   I start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, i'll be seeing six or seven.

   If everyone that receives a fruitcake for Christmas donates them to the government, Trump can build the brick wall!

   Has the NORAD Santa tracker stopped working? It says he's been at the Cheetahs Club in NYC for the past 48 hours.

   Not cool, midgets shopping at the mall during Christmas. Very confusing.

   I’d like to see a commercial where the wife receives a brand new Lexus on Christmas morning and the she turns to her husband and says "You idiot! WTF is the matter with you? We can’t afford a Lexus!"

   This whole Santa should have no gender is crap. Here is how you know Santa is a man. He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls you a Ho and leaves while you're asleep.

   Its that time of the year where the work office decides to do secret santa again and this time its under $25....I'm getting my co-worker a pack tooth brush with about $30 worth of tooth paste!

   shoutout to my mom who has reused the same Christmas gift bags for so long she just found a gift card to the Cheesecake Factory from 1999.

   I believe in Santa! but I'm not so sure if he believes in me?

   Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.

   Still looking for the Christmas presents I hid last year.

   Remember children, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

   The last time I bought a Christmas tree the sales person said “are you going to put that up yourself?” I thought, that is strange. No, I’m just gonna put it up in the living room

   If Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie why do I spend the holidays hiding in the vents of my workplace?

   You people can keep blaming your weight or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself, most of you were Fat in December too