Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   It would be funny if in the last episode of How I Met Your Mother, Old Ted tells his kids "I'm just kidding, I never met your mother. You're adopted.

   I was raised by my father----my mother left before I was born.

   Mother caught me jerkin it when I was 13. She asked my dad when would I stop: He told her she'd have to ask someone older than him.

   Angry husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends an sms to his Mother in law. Your product is not matching my requirements. Smart Mother in law replys - Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible after seal is broken.

   trust is like a mirror you can fix it if its broken but you can still see the crack in that mother fuckers reflection!

   "Sorry, her mother is a pterodactyl" ..... *Me with the screeching toddler in the grocery store.

   "kid tested, mother approved "

   got a job...single mother and can't even get help from the government because I make $100 too much...might as well be on welfare!

   I would of had a better comeback but I left the come back in your mother

   time to buy a mother's day gift with my mom's money :)

   ........ Yup ...... I too was once a male trapped in a female body ...... But then my mother gave birth ......

   If you always generalize about women, you're ugly, poor, insecure, or you might have grown up in your mother's basement. At the worst-case scenario, you've got a crap partner.

   The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath!

   While Prince may have found his mother demanding. Maybe she just didn't want to see him wear a frilly purple suit everyday

   Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.

   My wife's great-great-grandmother on her mother's side was The Kracken

   Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Thanks for the womb and board.

   I wonder how many bongs I can collect before my mother figures out they're not vases?

   My 80 year young mother in law and I are fighting over who's gonna drive to the strip club..... priceless

   My daughter was eating a snack cake while her mother gave her a haircut. I said, "You're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She said, "I know, daddy. And I'm gonna get b00bies too!"