Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Tom Brady is a 3-time Super Bowl Champ & bangs a supermodel. Tim Tebow is a virgin bench-warmer...I think we know who God likes better. 
Taylor Swift just waved at a boy and he didn't wave back so now she's got a new album coming out tomorrow.
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
My girlfriend just walked in and called me g@y. If my nails weren't drying I swear to god…
Shout out to all the Amish people reading this status..........................BUSTED
Being a gentleman never goes out of style
Only 364 shopping days till Christmas..
If you love me, let me know. If not, please take the $20 and finish the job.
trying to figure out how to use the three seashells.
- Ladies, you have Feb. 14th (Valentine's Day) - Not to worry Men, we have March 14th...If you don't know what March 14th is, Google it :)
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life
It's bullsh!t that 1-800-PET-MEDS won't deliver medicinal marijuana to my dog.
"Mom...can I wear a mini skirt today?" "NO!" "Why not I'm 17?" "Justin I said no!"
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account.
“I'm Single ” doesn't mean ” I'm looking for somebody “, just thought you should know.
LIKE IF: You sat down to check Facebook real quick and...an hour later, you're still here.
First time I saw a dry erase board I said thats "remarkable"
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
will never understand why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?
Roses Are Red Violets Are Red Trees Are Red Fuck my gardens on fire! 