Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   saw two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard boxes... pillow fight?

   Vampires have lost alot of street cred the last few years. They used to be scary, now everyone thinks they're a bunch of emo b*tches.

   When will women ever learn? You cant go on hunting for a new man when you still have pictures of your ex all over your albums. Get rid of that sh*t first.

   Treat your girl right, or another guy will...or maybe another girl.

   I wish some people could just look at there own true colors of there character and see what an ugly picture they are painting with it.

   NOTICE: Helen Waite is now in charge of my complaint department. SO if you have any complaints - please go to Helen Waite.

   I am going to celebrate 2 Pac's Birthday today with a 12 pac.

   rumors ? oh wellll ; at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

   Green grape says to the purple grape "breathe idiot , breathe!!!

   it's so obvious that Jersey Shore is fake cause we all know 20 something year old Italian boys are still at home sucking off mommy & daddy.

   Oh great....now we get to look at a ton of photos of the moon on facebook.

   Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this bit¢h breathing out of her nose like she owns the oxygen here."

   New "Shots" Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone's face.

   Happy Independence Day! Our founding fathers fought hard to give us the freedom to blow shit up...... Make them proud!!!

   What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?

   Red Cross taking donations for disaster relief...... Text "Irish"

   Every morning you have two choices: be productive and really shine, OR pour some coffee, log inn and start posting. Hello, darlings.

   Maybe I should be Tony Romo for Halloween so kids can intercept candy that I pass out.

   .... HECK ... You know there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with this country when people are much more concerned with a few repeated words from a possible First Lady... than ..... 30,000 Deleted Classified Emails from a Major Presidential Candidate!!!

   What is it with lesbians? If they hate men so much, why do they dress like them? You never see a Jew dressed as a Nazi.