Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   NOTICE: Helen Waite is now in charge of my complaint department. SO if you have any complaints - please go to Helen Waite.

   I am going to celebrate 2 Pac's Birthday today with a 12 pac.

   rumors ? oh wellll ; at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

   Green grape says to the purple grape "breathe idiot , breathe!!!

   it's so obvious that Jersey Shore is fake cause we all know 20 something year old Italian boys are still at home sucking off mommy & daddy.

   Oh great....now we get to look at a ton of photos of the moon on facebook.

   Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this bit¢h breathing out of her nose like she owns the oxygen here."

   New "Shots" Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone's face.

   Happy Independence Day! Our founding fathers fought hard to give us the freedom to blow shit up...... Make them proud!!!

   What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?

   Red Cross taking donations for disaster relief...... Text "Irish"

   Every morning you have two choices: be productive and really shine, OR pour some coffee, log inn and start posting. Hello, darlings.

   Maybe I should be Tony Romo for Halloween so kids can intercept candy that I pass out.

   .... HECK ... You know there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with this country when people are much more concerned with a few repeated words from a possible First Lady... than ..... 30,000 Deleted Classified Emails from a Major Presidential Candidate!!!

   What is it with lesbians? If they hate men so much, why do they dress like them? You never see a Jew dressed as a Nazi.

   Tom Brady is a 3-time Super Bowl Champ & bangs a supermodel. Tim Tebow is a virgin bench-warmer...I think we know who God likes better.

   Taylor Swift just waved at a boy and he didn't wave back so now she's got a new album coming out tomorrow.

   I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.

   My girlfriend just walked in and called me g@y. If my nails weren't drying I swear to god…

   Shout out to all the Amish people reading this status..........................BUSTED