Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruit Loops on your front porch.

   Every man should carry a sharp knfife , a sharp pen and a sharp tongue but only a gentlemen knows whe to use them

   Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

   When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

   "Little Women" author Louisa May Alcott was diagnosed with Lupus 119 years after her death. And you thought your HMO was slow.

   thinks that you can only be young once, but you can always be immature.

   To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

   thinks if Bear Grylls would have been in the garden of eden he would have eaten the snake instead of the apple!

   shh...my common sense is tingling.

   If the best things in life are free? Then why am I always broke?

   just had a near-work experience...

   My washer and dryer finished at the same time, but I think my dryer faked it.

   If they can get their student loans forgiven, then I want my car loan forgiven. ALL LOANS MATTER

   Still trying to figure out how they can all afford to buy guns and bullets while on Food Stamps.

   i dropped my affordable health care because I couldn't afford it .

   If you never whined and begged your mom for a quarter to put in the trinket machine in the front of the grocery store and then ended up chasing a bouncy ball down isle 9 and knocking over a pyramid of potted meat then your childhood probably sucked.

   Well behaved women rarely make browser history.

   A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice!!!

   Congratulations to all who won in the election and my condolences to all who have lost I wish you all the best in the future. Now please get your dayum signs off my street corners. Have a great day.

   My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week.