father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(:

   Little girl asked her father,do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?The father replied,No, some begin with - If elected I promise..

   Why do we sleep in church, but stay awake through a 2 hour movie?? Why is it so hard to talk to God, but so easy to gossip??Jesus said "If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny YOU in front of my Father.

   The Democrats finally came forward and ruined Chelsey Clinton's life with the news that Janet Reno is actually her father.

   When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me

   My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet

   wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.

   so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!

   Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.

   enjoying deleting friends on Father's Day. I'm pretending I'm disowning my children.

   My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

   Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.

   Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

   Thank you dad for not pulling out!! (to be used on father's day)

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

   flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father

   i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me