father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me
←Rate | 06-13-2010 23:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
←Rate | 05-31-2010 20:11 by Tracy Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
←Rate | 05-29-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”
←Rate | 05-28-2010 00:44 by Pacumbo Comments (0)  

   messageicon In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.
←Rate | 05-04-2010 13:12 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon saw the HILLYBILLY that won the lottery bought a new car - and transfered his bumper sticker "PROUD FATHER of my NEPHEW"
←Rate | 04-24-2010 09:07 by JDAUB Comments (0)  

   messageicon some old man is claiming Oprah is his daughter.... I think she should atleast interview him on her show. Not because he's her alleged father but because he's a black man admitting he's the baby daddy!
←Rate | 04-21-2010 01:07 Comments (2)  

   messageicon a man with flaws, a failure at success, no superhero, neither rich nor poor. I am, however a good father and a happy person. that'll do pig. that'll do.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 18:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breakfast was going well until that creepy new Tiger Woods commercial with his late father's voice came on... now I'm just playing with my oatmeal.
←Rate | 04-08-2010 17:21 by Shamus Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
←Rate | 03-29-2010 08:26 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 03-24-2010 22:37 by Samir Momin Comments (2)  

   messageicon ┌∩┐(◣..◢)┌∩┐ father time.....for running fast when I want you to run slow(fri sat sun) and running slow when I need you to run fast(mon-fri 7am-3 pm) I lost track of 10 hours today.
←Rate | 03-14-2010 01:14 by Dj Sin Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father told me "never hit a man while he's down, kick him! It's a whole lot easier!"
←Rate | 03-04-2010 10:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.
←Rate | 02-22-2010 02:36 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - I would quit drinking, but my father didn't raiser a quiter.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
←Rate | 12-10-2009 01:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. :)
←Rate | 12-06-2009 21:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..thought it was a good thing adding her parents to Facebook until I posted " is going out for the night!" & mum commented "Good! That means me and your father can have loud sex now!". I'll remember to lock my bedroom door before I go out..
←Rate | 11-14-2009 07:16 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon youre so ugly just after you were was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea, let's go bury it!"
←Rate | 11-04-2009 01:46 by 8) Comments (0)  

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