Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Look out Mr. Boss Man, I had a Barney, two Wilma's and a Deeno before I came in so, let's get this show on the road, buddy-boy

   Police and doctors are fun to watch on TV. Just look at all the shows. In reality, its not as fun when they all watch you. You either done something wrong or something wrong has been done to you.

   Ignorance is not bliss. It's just a fancy word for stupid.

   Words. They can arouse. They can make you laugh, and make you cry. But if you find the one who can heal you with words, never let them go.

   28. They have changed the “Cookie Monster” into the “Veggie Monster” and still let Oscar live in a freakin' trashcan. Moral of the story kids, you can't eat cookies anymore-but because of this go live in a trash can and bitch at anyone coming

   Millions of anchovies floating in a bay in California? That's going to drive gas prices up.

   Learned that smiling suppresses the gag reflex...and some people wonder why I smile so much around them!

   I plead a 5th of Jack Daniels!

   I'm so glad dog hair is an accepted accessory in society.

   It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography,

   Even though they have no use for them, guys would look kinda weird without nipples.

   One good thing about hurricane Irene. The news has pre-empted NASCAR on the east coast.

   today was alot like my X girlfriend... cold and miserable

   I just came across a "R.I.P. Bin Ladin" page, uhh more like R.I.H. for Rot In Hell

   A new tape huh? Man,not only is Osama the Jordan of hide and seek,he's the tupac of terrorism.

   If the rabbit was named "Rabbit", the piglet was named "Piglet", and the owl was named "Owl", why wasn't Christopher Robin named "Dude"?

   wouldn't have to manage her anger if certain people would manage their stupidity.

   It's just another day in down turn economy with a rising unemployment rate....but other than that it's paradise...

   $9.99 sounds fair enough coz $10 is an outrageous amount of money.

   if I want to commit suicide , all I would do is jump from your 'EGO' to your ' IQ Level'.