Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1505 of 6447

a silent morning and a silent afternoon wouldn't be so bad either
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12-24-2019 10:53
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Who called it Star Trek III - The Search For Spock and not Finding Nemoy?
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10-05-2019 17:47
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If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
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10-05-2019 17:48
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I'm taking stuff to the thrift store. But first I have to drive around with it in the back of my car for 6 months.
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10-07-2019 22:49
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*gets a new lease on life* *misses first payment*
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10-08-2019 05:30
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My daughter's school is selling apples for their band. If I want to buy a bag of apples for 400 bucks I'll go to Whole Foods.
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10-08-2019 05:33
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Friend: How come you keep wearing white pants? Me: Trying to summon my period.
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10-08-2019 05:33
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I'm so hungry that my stomach stopped growling. Now its just whimpering.

I'm not saying Happy Holiday's to anyone this year, instead I'm saying Merry Christmas
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12-18-2012 18:37
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statistics show that 1 out of 20 of us live next door to a conivcted pedophile, not me though, I live next to two stunning 16 year olds.
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03-05-2011 08:32 by Joe
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Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There's apparently more traffic going to hell!!!

Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.

a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it
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07-24-2009 04:00 by jon
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Kate Middleton Is Now Officially A MILF
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07-23-2013 13:15 by Udit
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• My life. My choices. My mistakes. My lessons. Not your business.
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06-09-2011 16:00
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To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!
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10-13-2009 16:21
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A.) Go to Google Maps. B.) Search for 47.110579,9.227568 C.) Find the green arrow. Then click more, then street view. D.) Click up 2x then right 2x..............They are watching us
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10-05-2011 19:17
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If we are in a car and I love the song that just came on the radio and you turn it down to tell me something, please know that I will cut you.

Definition of the word f**ked: When a man has a truck payment, a house payment, a wife, AND girlfriend...... And they're all a month late.
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07-02-2011 21:52
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The color 9 is my favorite letter.
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06-09-2011 00:32
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