Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon a silent morning and a silent afternoon wouldn't be so bad either
←Rate | 12-24-2019 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who called it Star Trek III - The Search For Spock and not Finding Nemoy?
←Rate | 10-05-2019 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.
←Rate | 10-05-2019 17:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm taking stuff to the thrift store. But first I have to drive around with it in the back of my car for 6 months.
←Rate | 10-07-2019 22:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *gets a new lease on life* *misses first payment*
←Rate | 10-08-2019 05:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My daughter's school is selling apples for their band. If I want to buy a bag of apples for 400 bucks I'll go to Whole Foods.
←Rate | 10-08-2019 05:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend: How come you keep wearing white pants? Me: Trying to summon my period.
←Rate | 10-08-2019 05:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so hungry that my stomach stopped growling. Now its just whimpering.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 14:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying Happy Holiday's to anyone this year, instead I'm saying Merry Christmas
←Rate | 12-18-2012 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon statistics show that 1 out of 20 of us live next door to a conivcted pedophile, not me though, I live next to two stunning 16 year olds.
←Rate | 03-05-2011 08:32 by Joe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There's apparently more traffic going to hell!!!
←Rate | 02-28-2010 06:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
←Rate | 12-03-2008 02:03 by Jake Finnan Comments (0)  


   messageicon a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it
←Rate | 07-24-2009 04:00 by jon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kate Middleton Is Now Officially A MILF
←Rate | 07-23-2013 13:15 by Udit Comments (0)  


   messageicon • My life. My choices. My mistakes. My lessons. Not your business.
←Rate | 06-09-2011 16:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 16:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A.) Go to Google Maps. B.) Search for 47.110579,9.227568 C.) Find the green arrow. Then click more, then street view. D.) Click up 2x then right 2x..............They are watching us
←Rate | 10-05-2011 19:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we are in a car and I love the song that just came on the radio and you turn it down to tell me something, please know that I will cut you.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 15:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Definition of the word f**ked: When a man has a truck payment, a house payment, a wife, AND girlfriend...... And they're all a month late.
←Rate | 07-02-2011 21:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The color 9 is my favorite letter.
←Rate | 06-09-2011 00:32 Comments (0)  




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