Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1341 of 6446

annoying you with status updates for her own entertainment.
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10-09-2010 20:02
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woke up really really really early today just to post on facebook "i've beaten my alarmclock today"
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10-10-2010 01:55
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n't it ironic that to be popular on social networks, you have to sacrifice your social life.

Every once in a while you should get a check up...on who your real friends are.
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04-13-2010 13:31
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This day needs more yesterday...
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06-28-2010 21:16 by Joser
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Loves the smell of gun powder, thank you Chinese people..
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07-02-2010 00:23 by Wolf
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Guys with phone holsters surely would have been gunned down quickly in the old west.
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07-09-2010 08:41 by Leeferd
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When going through airport customs and you are asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "why, what do you need?"

There are 3 kinds of people in the world. One is the solution to the problem, one is the problem, while the other is wondering what was the problem???
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07-23-2010 00:32 by Corey C
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You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
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08-03-2010 13:33
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Go ahead 'like' my day!
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08-12-2010 00:58 by Cindy
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I don't have A.D.D.. you're just boring me.
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08-12-2010 23:22
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I feel like my co-workers are family. I don't like spending time with my family either.
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08-15-2010 12:13
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Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....
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08-16-2010 15:15 by jdpower
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When is it considered to early to start drinking...cause I think I'm 4 hrs behind!!!
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03-31-2011 12:32
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When someone asks a dumb question it's really hard to not reply with a sarcastic answer
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04-04-2011 23:55 by Destiny
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I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."---Hedberg Classic :)
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02-01-2011 10:42
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Life's best lessons are learned at the worst times.

If You Use Pinesol in A Pine Forest Is It Unscented?
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09-21-2011 18:05 by p0lel0ck
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My idea of artificial intelligence is where the Porn tab changes into the Google tab the moment someone knocks on the door
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09-26-2011 07:15
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