Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1339 of 6446

"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
←Rate |
03-08-2017 09:49 by bob
Comments (0)

"If you build it, they will come." -Inventor of the Vibrator
←Rate |
03-08-2017 14:49
Comments (0)

You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score! WooHoo!

There's a prince of whales? I hope he doesn't venture into Japanese waters.
←Rate |
06-13-2019 17:47
Comments (0)

It's strange that it's socially acceptable for me to get into a swimming pool with a complete stranger but when I do the same thing in a bathtub, all of a sudden I'm "under arrest".
←Rate |
07-30-2019 14:03
Comments (0)

If you sneeze and fart at the same time your body takes a screen shot.
←Rate |
08-31-2019 20:15
Comments (0)

I know my clothes are on the floor, I'm a guy, That's where I hang them.
←Rate |
10-19-2011 19:41
Comments (0)

Appropriately, Gaddaffi was killed by a rebel fighter standing in the sunroof of a VW van.

Ok, who left the bag of idiots open??
←Rate |
12-05-2011 07:48
Comments (0)

The best things in life make you sweaty.
←Rate |
06-11-2012 14:29
Comments (0)

Today you should prank call your single guy friends using google voice to change the number and tell them you are calling from the Maury Povich show.
←Rate |
06-17-2012 09:52
Comments (0)

"When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when you're freeing sad, post it on facebook so I can enjoy your misfortune."

I like to take a day off every now and then to create the illusion of a real life.
←Rate |
06-21-2012 08:14
Comments (0)

Just heard Sandusky's on suicide watch. I'm checking ticket prices.
←Rate |
06-24-2012 15:03
Comments (0)

I'm never sure how much ball cleavage to show when I wear my Casual Friday Jean Shorts.
←Rate |
06-29-2012 13:58
Comments (0)

Sadness in its purest form....going to a bbq and instead of beer you find soda, kids, pinwheels, and bubbles.
←Rate |
07-04-2012 09:41
Comments (0)

Sometimes I feel like I'm a Fruit Loop in a bowl full of Cheerios.
←Rate |
07-09-2012 19:13 by snotty
Comments (0)

I am not into running, but if they ever hold a 50 foot run where they serve beer at the end, I am in.
←Rate |
07-10-2012 23:26
Comments (0)

Just when I'm about to bang the girl of my dreams....I wake up.......everytime
←Rate |
07-11-2012 01:07 by zd
Comments (0)

I dress for success because getting dressed is the most successful thing I do all day.
←Rate |
04-25-2012 16:35 by SEAN
Comments (0)