Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
←Rate | 03-08-2017 09:49 by bob Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you build it, they will come." -Inventor of the Vibrator
←Rate | 03-08-2017 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score! WooHoo!
←Rate | 04-02-2019 07:14 by MiMisHouse Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a prince of whales? I hope he doesn't venture into Japanese waters.
←Rate | 06-13-2019 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's strange that it's socially acceptable for me to get into a swimming pool with a complete stranger but when I do the same thing in a bathtub, all of a sudden I'm "under arrest".
←Rate | 07-30-2019 14:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you sneeze and fart at the same time your body takes a screen shot.
←Rate | 08-31-2019 20:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know my clothes are on the floor, I'm a guy, That's where I hang them.
←Rate | 10-19-2011 19:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Appropriately, Gaddaffi was killed by a rebel fighter standing in the sunroof of a VW van.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 12:52 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, who left the bag of idiots open??
←Rate | 12-05-2011 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best things in life make you sweaty.
←Rate | 06-11-2012 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today you should prank call your single guy friends using google voice to change the number and tell them you are calling from the Maury Povich show.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when you're freeing sad, post it on facebook so I can enjoy your misfortune."
←Rate | 06-18-2012 23:07 by gay jeffrey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to take a day off every now and then to create the illusion of a real life.
←Rate | 06-21-2012 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard Sandusky's on suicide watch. I'm checking ticket prices.
←Rate | 06-24-2012 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never sure how much ball cleavage to show when I wear my Casual Friday Jean Shorts.
←Rate | 06-29-2012 13:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sadness in its purest form....going to a bbq and instead of beer you find soda, kids, pinwheels, and bubbles.
←Rate | 07-04-2012 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I feel like I'm a Fruit Loop in a bowl full of Cheerios.
←Rate | 07-09-2012 19:13 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am not into running, but if they ever hold a 50 foot run where they serve beer at the end, I am in.
←Rate | 07-10-2012 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just when I'm about to bang the girl of my dreams....I wake up.......everytime
←Rate | 07-11-2012 01:07 by zd Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dress for success because getting dressed is the most successful thing I do all day.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 16:35 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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