Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The courthouse is a really great place to see people with neck tattoos wearing ties.
←Rate | 10-01-2011 05:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Idea: October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.. instead of posting your color bra, why not take a pic of your boobs, post them and say "Save These!" . .why beat around the bush? (or bare floor)
←Rate | 10-06-2011 14:38 by Jay Son Comments (0)  

   messageicon Starbucks isn't really that expensive when you you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup...
←Rate | 02-06-2011 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bi-polar Wednesday - that day where you fluctuate between, "WooHoo, the week is half over" and "Oh crap, the week is only half over.
←Rate | 08-25-2011 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It might be fat Tuesday today, but I'm fat everyday. So what's the big deal.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 14:55 by ff1241 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a good thing I'm not a cellar-master for a winery, because I'd be terrible at my job. "This wine is going to taste so good in like 6 years...or, we could pop this b*tch open right now..."
←Rate | 09-03-2010 06:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is funny. Well, yours is. To me.
←Rate | 10-10-2010 08:37 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon beat the heck out of the alarm clock this morning. It's currently on life support, but if it tries that $hit again tomorrow, I'm pulling the plug!!!
←Rate | 05-06-2010 15:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On the 14th of December I'm going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 21:20 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn't matter... something's gonna die tonight.
←Rate | 01-08-2013 17:12 by minnie haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEW FACEBOOK GAME: Message me your bank account or credit card number & I will post which bill I paid with it, as my status.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well I tried watching the eclipse but the damn moon was in the way!
←Rate | 05-20-2012 23:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I hear "Tropical Depression" I think of Toucan Sam sitting in a rain-forest crying.
←Rate | 12-31-2011 08:43 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon "LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can't eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 02:21 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coaster? You're assuming I plan to put my drink down...
←Rate | 04-30-2014 13:30 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Barry Manilow gets married to partner and comes out of the closet..... World rolls eyes and says, "Oh Gee Barry, we had no clue."
←Rate | 04-09-2015 12:04 by dougs327 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.
←Rate | 05-11-2015 17:45 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teen at Starbucks asked if I could take her selfie. I said that would just be a photo.... She's still blinking at me.
←Rate | 05-25-2015 12:14 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Halloween is just over a week away now. When it comes to candy bars, the term fun-sized is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being 1/8 the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: “disappointment-sized.”
←Rate | 10-24-2013 14:54 by McKibben Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes, I realize I'm leaving early. But don't forget, I also came in late.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:27 by Joser Comments (0)  

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