Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon just ripped a hole in my American Eagle jeans. I'd be mad but I think they just went up in value..
←Rate | 03-04-2011 23:39 by Vivus Comments (0)  

   messageicon I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....
←Rate | 03-12-2011 10:34 by Van Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
←Rate | 03-14-2011 19:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
←Rate | 04-24-2011 13:18 by Unknown Guy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location
←Rate | 05-02-2011 11:39 by CJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon bin Laden's last words..."hey, did you hear your Iphone is secretly tracking where you are, crazy right?"
←Rate | 05-02-2011 15:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon saw another of those adverts telling me to send my gold in an envelope addressed to Cash for Gold...... Sorry, but I just don't trust my postman that much.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?
←Rate | 05-09-2011 17:29 by mikael-p. Comments (0)  

   messageicon While Facebooking, cars in front of you may be closer than expected.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 21:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"
←Rate | 05-19-2011 22:15 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 21:51 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd like to thank my ex for making me see how I shouldn't be treated
←Rate | 10-13-2011 10:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
←Rate | 12-05-2013 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 9 out of 10 Status Updates sound more official if you simply add the phrase "9 out of 10".
←Rate | 12-18-2013 08:22 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  

   messageicon What about female suicide bombers? Do they also get virgins?
←Rate | 12-24-2013 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
←Rate | 05-13-2014 00:58 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 13:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Halloween is just over a week away now. When it comes to candy bars, the term fun-sized is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being 1/8 the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: “disappointment-sized.”
←Rate | 10-24-2013 14:54 by McKibben Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
←Rate | 11-05-2013 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the last time I visitied a gym I was being graded on it
←Rate | 11-24-2013 23:44 by Eddy Comments (0)  

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