Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 132 of 5686

   messageicon No one is listening until you fart.
←Rate | 04-02-2010 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon glitter is the herpes of the arts and crafts world! You just can`t get rid of it once its on you
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.
←Rate | 01-17-2010 21:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pessimism is great, You are either always right or pleasently suprised.
←Rate | 01-24-2010 18:26 by ANGELA Comments (0)  

   messageicon A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers
←Rate | 01-27-2010 13:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not an official disaster until Bono sings about it.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 12:40 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon read that Toyota is asking all Prius owners to return cars to the dealerships as slowly as they possibly can.
←Rate | 02-18-2010 09:55 by marymc Comments (1)  

   messageicon thinks that, instead of 45 secs, they should limit tonight's Oscar acceptance speeches to the same as Twitter, 140 characters!!
←Rate | 03-07-2010 12:18 by Rich Fa Comments (0)  

   messageicon put my purse on the passenger seat and the passenger seatbelt light came on. Think it's time to clean out my purse??
←Rate | 03-07-2010 17:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate | 03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon it takes me five minutes to get dressed and fifty-five minutes looking for my other shoe....
←Rate | 11-05-2010 00:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I won a trip to China now am stuck here waiting to win a trip back home
←Rate | 11-30-2010 01:59 by kibobi Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are only two people I trust in this world... One is myself, and the other one is NOT you.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 07:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
←Rate | 12-14-2010 13:10 by Sara Comments (0)  

   messageicon getting his eraser ready for two weeks of me putting 2010 on all my papers.
←Rate | 01-01-2011 18:13 Comments (21)  

   messageicon just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
←Rate | 01-20-2011 10:42 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
←Rate | 01-23-2011 09:14 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 23:36 by The Fred Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.
←Rate | 09-08-2010 15:19 by jdpower Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.
←Rate | 10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  

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