Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I liked you a lot more before I met you.

   I hope Amanda Knox moves into the Jersey Shore house.

   It would be horrible if Facebook connected to Google and posted what you are searching for.

   Guys: When you're watching your friend play a single player game, you secretly hope they die.

   worried about his financial future...even Daylight Savings Time has a better plan than me...

   thinking why do all main disney channel or nickolodeon stars become singers when most cant even sing!?

   if you cant face it, moon it. but just for tonight, you can also supermoon it. its like mooning it but a bit closer

   When the hell did my delusions of grandeur, turn into delusions of adequacy?!?

   Too often we want what we cant have... but those who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want.

   Marriage tip #1: If your wife asks you if the outfit she's wearing makes her look fat, just tell her that if she ran at the gym like she ran her mouth at home, she wouldn't have to ask that question.

   Today is the one-year anniversary of our two-week lockdown.

   Getting old is trying to decide whether to roll to your right or roll to your left after getting the dog’s ball from under the couch

   I think we all owe 2019 an apology. It wasn't so bad after all

   So now they say Vaccinated People can Gather in Groups of 8 with No Issues but I don’t Know 8 People with No Issues.

   I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.

   You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!

   TAMPAX has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel ....... This is for the Christmas period only!

   Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. However, for less than a dollar a day you can help us dig a well in their village so that those poor children won't have to climb that hill daily.

   I'm giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud

   Rep. Maxine Waters refused to attend Trump's address to the joint session of Congress Instead she stayed home to work on a bill addressing the Russian invasion of Korea.