Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Do you enjoy interacting with people?” “Nope” “Great, you’re hired!” – DMV interview process.
←Rate | 01-28-2016 12:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people seem to like Trump. Others like Hillary, or Bernie. Just be happy you live somewhere that you have a choice, just don't waste it...
←Rate | 03-10-2016 09:19 by eengrms Comments (0)  

   messageicon John Lennon was killed by a fan. Where are those Kanye West fans when you need them?
←Rate | 04-28-2016 16:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if Magic Johnson ever regrets wasting the world's best porn name on a basketball career.
←Rate | 05-06-2016 05:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breaking News!!! It is okay to "NOT" get in a debate on a Facebook status if you really have no idea what you are talking about. You can just move on to a cat picture or something you understand and comment on that..
←Rate | 12-28-2013 11:01 by EF Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every minute Justin Bieber is held in jail is a victory for good music.
←Rate | 01-23-2014 11:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hangman is a great game to teach kids that if they don't learn how to spell, they could be put to death.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 16:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
←Rate | 06-23-2015 11:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
←Rate | 06-26-2015 18:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dogs have it good. No one ever wraps my pills in thin sliced roast beef.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed party, so I invited all of her friends over and made them clean the house.
←Rate | 07-22-2015 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you take a trip around the world and calculate the different time zones just right, you can pick yourself up from the airport
←Rate | 11-01-2015 08:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"
←Rate | 07-11-2011 03:56 by Mick F Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd probably get a lot more done if it wasn't for me.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:02 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
←Rate | 07-21-2011 08:49 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."
←Rate | 10-01-2011 13:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues
←Rate | 10-04-2011 22:07 by natemorales Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had a penny for every time I thought of you.... I'd have a penny.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
←Rate | 02-05-2011 14:57 by MelMys Comments (0)  

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