Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon TOP MISTAKES MARRIED MEN MAKE: 1) Doing things... 2) Not doing things... 3) Thinking about doing things... 4) Not thinking about doing things...
←Rate | 03-08-2013 14:59 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook needs a button that's the equivalent of kicking someone under the table to stop them from making a fool of themselves.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 13:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling “IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!
←Rate | 11-04-2012 10:02 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 13:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
←Rate | 07-16-2013 19:28 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're ignorant and make bad decisions.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 11:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
←Rate | 09-06-2013 14:38 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I watched the deleted scenes from a p0rno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon be nice to me.. with minimum effort I can make things very very difficult
←Rate | 03-15-2010 06:34 by johnny5 Comments (0)  

   messageicon TEIAM - problem solved
←Rate | 11-06-2009 17:38 by Jenna Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tip: if you're going to call out sick, make sure your co-workers aren't your FB friends and can see the pics you posted drunk last night
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:16 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!"
←Rate | 08-09-2010 17:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:30 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
←Rate | 12-29-2010 15:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  

   messageicon There's nothing worse than loving someone who's never going to stop disappointing you.
←Rate | 01-20-2011 17:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Balls are weak & sensitive, If you wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding
←Rate | 07-29-2011 16:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
←Rate | 09-28-2009 22:29 by bigboyindiego Comments (0)  

   messageicon Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
←Rate | 04-16-2012 12:33 by Gary Comments (0)  

   messageicon Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..
←Rate | 10-02-2010 18:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Im a good enough person to forgive you, but not stupid enough to trust you....
←Rate | 03-23-2010 13:20 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

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