Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 127 of 6445

Well… This is one way to get Mexico to build that wall

Cheesecake Factory to start reopening restaurants but they will only have a limited 413-page menu.
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06-05-2020 08:30
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Are all the non essential oils out of work now?.
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06-09-2020 08:21
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If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
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04-17-2018 04:49
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* 21st century where deleting history is more important than making it.
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05-17-2018 15:49
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Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
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06-18-2018 11:11
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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
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07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT
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A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
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07-18-2018 07:22
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No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We'll both regret it soon enough.
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08-13-2018 13:20 by Reuben
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" I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."
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08-16-2018 22:17 by Haha
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My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession!
I replied...
"wake me up before you go go"
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09-15-2018 16:00 by Truman
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You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
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10-18-2018 03:28 by Crewz
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I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by,
"that's him officer"
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10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman
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Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
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11-01-2018 17:16
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Some people should
use a glue stick
instead of chap stick.
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11-06-2018 18:17
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Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.
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04-04-2017 07:48
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I like people. I just don't want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
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04-15-2017 02:13
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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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05-07-2017 08:42 by Gump
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Every now and then when I'm in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you're listening". If I'm wrong, nobody knows. If I'm right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
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06-02-2017 08:35
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I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.