Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I swear my wife buys sports bras just to piss me off...

   I remember a day when actions used to speak louder than words. Then along came Facebook.

   If I had a mood ring on today, it'd be flashing like a disco ball..!

   it's unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.

   My signature move is falling in love with people I can't have.

   There is no game if you refuse to play.

   Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world

   The Less people you deal with, the less problems you will have.

   thinks snowfall should be measured in school and business cancelations.

   You don't want to look back on your life and say, "I just made it through."

   Doing the old....how many woman have I slept with count....God I hate fractions

   I lost the bar trivia last night by one point. The last question was "where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is , Fiji......

   The ski racks on my car say I'm fun, adventurous, and can't figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.

   Now I lay me down to sleep... one less terrorist this world does keep... with all my heart I give my thanks... to those in uniform regardless of ranks... you serve our country and serve it well... with humble hearts your stories tell... so as I rest my we

   Learning from water. "Adjust yourself in every situation & in any shape", But Most importantly always find out your "own way to flow..."

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you.

   The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

   Now we have no excuse to go overseas for foreign oil.. Back To The Future 2 had it right...We should be using Mr. Fusion as a source of power and energy by now! >_<

   "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.", Ernest Hemingway

   If you were inside my head, A penny for my thoughts would be an overpayment.