Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Why are there jelly donuts but no peanut butter donuts? And why no peanut butter and jelly donuts? And why is my mother an alcoholic?

   Guys that are afraid of spiders, what color did you get your nails painted on Mother's Day?

   From now on, all of my posts will be written in Samuel L Jackson's voice. Re-read this one again Mother F*cker to make sure it's working!!

   Happy Mother's Day to all the teen moms who just released a back door p0rn video this week.

   I am as nervous as Oscar Pistorius's mother on Mother's Day.

   To all the Moms: "Happy Mothers Day"! And to all the Dads: "Happy Sunday.. Mother Fu€Kers"!!

   apparently my wife and I weren't on the same page with what she wanted for Mother's Day. Who knew there was more than one kind of "facial"?

   Half way to my mom's place for Mother's Day,,, only have about 3 more feet of digging.

   Thanks to Maury I've only had to buy one Mother's Day gift for several years.

   Happy Mother's Day & Everyday to all the Moms out there.

   Wonder what Emeniem does for his mom on Mother's Day ?

   Seeing my ex with a new guy doesnt upset me.. My mother taught me at a young age to give me used toys to the less fortunate.

   For Mother's Day I'm getting my mom a camera that will allow her to take less than 45 minutes to take a picture. If they make one...

   time to buy a mother's day gift with my mom's money :)

   Its trash pick up day tomorrow and my dumb neighbor forgot to take out my mother-n-law!!!! Now i've gotta dump trash all over his yard again!

   Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet.

   Dating a single mother.... It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   The wind just blew a plactic bag away from me at this table and down the sidewalk. "That one's on you, Mother Earth."

   Looks like Mother Nature is pulling Winter's Band-Aid off one hair at a time!

   Relationship status ☐ Seeing someone ☐ Not seeing anyone ☐ Your mother is a wh*re ☑ SHUT THE F&CK UP, I'M WATCHING THE BATMAN TRILOGY!