Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Tummy , sorry for all the butterflies . Dear Pillow , sorry for all the tears . Dear Heart , sorry for all the damage . Dear Brain , you were right .

   I always felt that Daffy Duck was funnier than Donald Duck but didn't get as much recognition because he was black.

   Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

   Sherman Hemsley(George Jeferson) has passed on! In his own words he would probably say ''Somehow a Honky is behind this!!!''

   My mom just called me and told me she has a new boyfriend. Django could be a white name too, right?

   Today is International Women's Day. It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready. :o\

   Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

   Most folks are carbon copies of their indoctrination, education, organized religion and politically correct propaganda. Some of us "Independent Thinkers" walk our own unique path of discovery, simultaneously emanating a vibration to source and truth.

   Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends

   given a choice at birth a big penis or great memory!......... I cant remember what I chose

   Rihanna wants a rude boy...Didnt she get her a$$ whooped by one already?

   I'm so good at sleeping I could do it with my eyes closed

   why do all the new smartphones have porn on them? Who in their right mind is out in public thinking, "ya know i'd really like to jerk off right now"?

   Did you know that 'Go Hang A Salami' is 'I'm A Lasagna Hog' backwards?... ^_^

   no, I don't think I can help you with that. I have to go walk my dog. and I can only deal with one b!tch at a time

   Welcome to my heart. Today's menu consist of only two choices: take it or leave it

   Let your smile change the world, but dont let the world change your smile

   Thought I was watching a commercial for Grand Theft Auto 5... Turns out I was watching CNN's reporting on Ferguson riots...

   It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.

   I had no idea it was black Friday in Baltimore.