father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead

   it's really inconsiderate of you to be this attaractive if you're not planning on being the father of my future children

   My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

   Whatever happens, Never agree to teach a girl how to ride a bike with her father watching..

   I am dreaming to became rich...just like my father..."is your father rich?" ...no! he is dreaming too

   "Luke, I'm like totally your father. Party on." ~~Garth Vader

   Fun fact: If you say 'Bloody Maury' into the mirror three times, you WILL be the father

   Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.

   forgot to put the seat belt on my 8-year-old boy this morning. "You are an irresponsible father!" Someone shouted "Who said that? I shouted. "Stop the car, son."

   my father called me an asswipe, I said the wipe didnt fall far from the ass

   I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   Never knew if my father would hit us or the bottle!

   My father was a professional wrestler. He hit us but did not hit us!!

   THE ARTISTS may have the most Academy Awards Nominations, but at my house I have been nominated for BEST FATHER and BEST HUSBAND not forgetting BEST MASTER by my dog.

   I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far.

   Every time a white guy sags his pants, somewhere in the world, a black baby grows up with a father.

   running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

   The Secret life of the American teenager is less realistic than star wars. No father and daughter talk about sex that casually. "Hey amy, are you going to have sex with Ricky tonight?" "Well we're both emotionally & physically ready, so yeah." "okay, cool