Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 102 of 6387

   messageicon *Sign outside a brothel that read "It's a business doing pleasure with you."
←Rate | 07-31-2018 22:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa, play back the last 45 minutes of this argument so we can prove who said what.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do paranoid schizophrenic agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if they might be the dog that’s out to get them?
←Rate | 11-01-2018 06:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playboy to replace nudes with photos of Hugh Hefner's nurse feeding him soup.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Extra hour of sleep this weekend. I mean, unless you're a parent. Then it's just like, more morning.
←Rate | 11-05-2016 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A sure sign you need coffee is to wake up put water in the coffee maker and end up with a nice hot pot of water.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.
←Rate | 10-13-2019 17:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon...
←Rate | 10-15-2019 00:58 by MrSharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you need to review your settings or medication... I’m not sure which but it’s definitely showing.
←Rate | 10-15-2019 04:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Credit card company: Sir, you have an outstanding balance. Me: Thanks. I do yoga.
←Rate | 10-16-2019 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to stay in the shower? All other inmates (in unison): No.
←Rate | 10-29-2019 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking for a DJ for my dog and cat's upcoming wedding. No weirdos.
←Rate | 10-30-2019 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: So he had grey hair, medium build, grey eyes, no glasses, a grey suit and grey shoes? DOG: Correct
←Rate | 11-04-2019 04:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon mistletoe is the gateway drug to pregnancy
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I might have spent a quarter of my life just staring into the refrigerator.
←Rate | 11-30-2019 01:31 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
←Rate | 11-26-2019 12:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a phone interview today and someone told me to “just be myself” so I’m not going to answer the call
←Rate | 12-30-2019 12:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can’t wait for next week when the gym is empty again.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 13:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pancakes: Because NO, you cannot have cake for breakfast, but you can have fried cake for breakfast.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends and Caller ID to avoid the first two things.
←Rate | 01-09-2020 08:17 Comments (0)  




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