father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Ryan Lochte is going to be a father, which proves that no matter how stupid you may be, it only takes one strong swimmer to get somebody pregnant.
←Rate | 12-15-2016 05:13 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.
←Rate | 06-17-2016 15:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...
←Rate | 06-19-2016 05:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to have three children.. One girl, named Stacey, so my wife can be Stacey's mom.. And she will have it going on.. One boy named Luke, so I can say "Luke, I am your father." and one more boy named Sparta.. So I can introduce him 'THIS IS SPARTAA'
←Rate | 02-26-2013 12:33 by JEBI Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!
←Rate | 09-09-2013 17:53 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.
←Rate | 11-26-2010 13:21 by RedDog58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The celebration of single moms on fathers day blows me! Single moms do some amazing things but being a father isn't one of them.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 08:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ┌∩┐(◣..◢)┌∩┐ father time.....for running fast when I want you to run slow(fri sat sun) and running slow when I need you to run fast(mon-fri 7am-3 pm) I lost track of 10 hours today.
←Rate | 03-14-2010 01:14 by Dj Sin Comments (0)  

   messageicon People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't - Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 09:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day....the most confusing day in the ghetto.
←Rate | 06-22-2015 14:14 by CWW Comments (0)  

   messageicon I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-01-2015 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father Jim inspired me to confess with a lighter attitude. From now on, it's "Bless me, Father, these sins are gonna crack you up!"
←Rate | 11-10-2011 09:36 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.
←Rate | 06-20-2016 20:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coworker: I have an announcement to make. We are expecting twins. Me: Congrats on having 2 kids with the same father!
←Rate | 07-13-2016 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon loving him some father son and holy spirit right. I love ya Jesus
←Rate | 04-13-2011 18:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dad, thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!
←Rate | 06-17-2012 07:15 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.
←Rate | 08-10-2012 03:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".
←Rate | 06-09-2012 07:51 by gay jeffery Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good mourning...... I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day, oh..everyone except Jerry Sandusky!!
←Rate | 06-18-2012 10:40 by sully Comments (0)  

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