father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "Luke, I'm like totally your father. Party on." ~~Garth Vader
←Rate | 03-15-2012 14:21 by scottyp Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would wish my father a Happy Father's Day on Facebook but I blocked him
←Rate | 06-16-2013 17:21 by J.D. Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't that swirling graphic the weather channels show of Irene look like a sonogram? I keep thinking the whole east coast is pregnant... and 'The Situation' is the father
←Rate | 08-27-2011 15:10 by levon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ryan Lochte is going to be a father, which proves that no matter how stupid you may be, it only takes one strong swimmer to get somebody pregnant.
←Rate | 12-15-2016 05:13 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.
←Rate | 06-17-2016 15:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...
←Rate | 06-19-2016 05:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do we sleep in church, but stay awake through a 2 hour movie?? Why is it so hard to talk to God, but so easy to gossip??Jesus said "If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny YOU in front of my Father.
←Rate | 07-02-2010 03:59 by SAM RABEE Comments (4)  

   messageicon I'm going to have three children.. One girl, named Stacey, so my wife can be Stacey's mom.. And she will have it going on.. One boy named Luke, so I can say "Luke, I am your father." and one more boy named Sparta.. So I can introduce him 'THIS IS SPARTAA'
←Rate | 02-26-2013 12:33 by JEBI Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was raised by my father----my mother left before I was born.
←Rate | 03-02-2011 13:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!
←Rate | 09-09-2013 17:53 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.
←Rate | 11-26-2010 13:21 by RedDog58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".
←Rate | 06-09-2012 07:51 by gay jeffery Comments (0)  

   messageicon ┌∩┐(◣..◢)┌∩┐ father time.....for running fast when I want you to run slow(fri sat sun) and running slow when I need you to run fast(mon-fri 7am-3 pm) I lost track of 10 hours today.
←Rate | 03-14-2010 01:14 by Dj Sin Comments (0)  

   messageicon People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't - Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 09:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day....the most confusing day in the ghetto.
←Rate | 06-22-2015 14:14 by CWW Comments (0)  

   messageicon I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-01-2015 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Found out my father is voting for Hillary, which is strange since he died in 2004
←Rate | 10-22-2016 11:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.
←Rate | 06-20-2016 20:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father Jim inspired me to confess with a lighter attitude. From now on, it's "Bless me, Father, these sins are gonna crack you up!"
←Rate | 11-10-2011 09:36 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

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