life Funny Status Messages

   Hangman is a great tool to teach children that if you can't spell a word, someone could lose their life because of their ignorance

   Elf on a Shelf? WTF? Back in my day, if a doll came to life, it murdered your whole family and everyone you loved. Kids are too coddled these days.

   My romantic life is like a Ferrari....I don't have a Ferrari.

   The amount of memes that relate to my life is becoming increasingly embarrassing.

   I sure hope women don't roll their eyes in real life as much as they do here on facebook.

   Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.... Yeah,, us guys tend to do better when we are properly supervised.

   Some of these actors are so good at playing the bad guy role that when I see them in real life, I just want to punch them in the throat.

   The after Easter prices of Cadbury Eggs and Peeps are one of life's simple but not quite free pleasures.

   Facebook's great for tedious daily updates from people who should have inched away from you in the natural continental drift of life by now.

   I've seen a lot of great photos of babies in my life, so if you want my "like" on Facebook you better bring it.

   I try not to think about things I can't control like war and poverty and my personal life.

   Life is like a box of chocolates you never know which one you going to get, if you can't follow directions and just look at the little chart on the back of the box.

   My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded,

   Pin Up Boards - A good reminder to let you know you're getting old or that you have too much Sh*t going on in your life that you need to remember!!!

   where's the CTRL, ALT and DELETE buttons on life?

   "Here, let me suck as much life from you as possible." -jobs

   As a Millenial I find my life is now full of much more meaning now that I have Pokemon Go!

   Kat Denning's b00bs are the life preservers which save 2 Broke Girls.

   Most murder victims are killed by someone they know. So stay safe by living a life of heartbreaking solitude, devoid of human contact.

   My life is stitched together with vices.