life Funny Status Messages

   Life has a weird way of working out if you take enough booze and drugs

   It's hangovers like this that make me wish I had a Life Alert.

   Part of me thought I wouldn't be using a sock as an oven mitt at this point in my life. Another part is like "Big boy is using the stove!"

   Sometimes life is hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty.

   Life insurance advertisements during "Final Destination". Touché insurance companies... touché

   A life?! Where can I download one of those?

   No matter what life hands you. Don't put it in a fanny pack.

   Wanna know about people you don't need in you life? Post something with a misspelling and see how fast they "must" correct you

   The silence between my status updates is the sound of my real life.

   My life: Wake up, mess sh*t up, have fun, sleep, repeat.

   Coming out can be hard as people don't understand our way of life and can be very close minded, but I feel in this day and age I can no longer be afraid to say I love Disco!

   Im sorry ladies, but life is not a fairy tale, and If you lose your shoe after midnight it means, well, you’re drunk.

   Penguins mate for life but also have the highest rate of alcoholism among any animal.

   Life hack: giant marshmallows make cheap teeth whitening strips

   If you have to air up your car tire more than once a week, life isn't working out like you planned...

   All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.

   If you love something let it go, and if its doing better than you, try and ruin its life.

   I tried to end this farce of a life by jumping off a bridge only to discover that I can fly

   Life is just one, giant, wrong hole.

   It's Facebook, not Time Magazine. We don't need to see your entire life in pictures.