life Funny Status Messages

   I bought a goldfish... named it after my ex-girlfriend and let it die. It's really the little things in life.

   found the secret to life via this mathematical formula. To calculate, enter the following in Google: exp((-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2))/1000)+exp((-(((x+4)^2+(y+4)^2)^2))/1000)+0.15*exp(-(((x+4)^2+(y+ 4)^2)^2))+0.15*exp(-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2

   Tupac died because he lived the thug life. This 12 pack is going to die because I live the chug life.

   All good things come to those you hate. While you sit and wonder why this is true, the one you hate is enjoying their life while you just sit there and wonder why.

   Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me

   Failing a suicide attempt makes you a failure at both life and death.

   life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.

   I drop my ipod:( ………and then my headphones save it's life :)

   I just passed the local college andsaw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college in all of my life.

   what can I say? Life doesn't get much better than beer and pancakes after midnight :)

   They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?

   I would love to hear more music that is not about sex or even love, because there is other stuff in life.

   Fellas; If your fiancé designs her own engagement ring, prepare for a life of sex on your birthday and holidays only.

   A fool spends his entire life denying that he is a fool. A wise man accepts and embraces that he is a fool.

   The secret to life is to always do whatever's next.

   Sometimes I wish saying "Uncle" to Life would work.

   Dear complicated life decisions: be easier.

   Marry the person who makes you forget about Facebook and thank them for saving your life.

   Life holds many challenges an can be quite frustrating. Especially for you because you're a dumba$$.

   Dear life, whats the fricking recipe for lemonade?