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Opportunity knock only once, if you hear a second knock it's probally a Jehovah's witness.
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04-20-2012 10:45
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Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of s$it.
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05-08-2012 21:02 by
BEGO
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hey... I just met you, and this is crazy, but please shut the f$ck up.
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05-25-2012 21:52 by
BEGO
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Today is the national animal day,please take a moment to remember your EX
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11-30-2011 08:44 by
charbel
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I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself.
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12-07-2011 21:57 by
g0re
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If you're a white guy with cornrows it should be several acres and in Nebraska.
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12-14-2011 14:10 by
Erica
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Dear Santa, I didn't want to make it too hard for you this year, so, the only thing on my list this year is 1 year paid leave from work. with bonus
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12-15-2011 06:39
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I hate that I push myself to do so many squats and lunges only to be forced into walking like a penguin the next day.
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02-23-2012 14:57
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Laughter is the best medicine... except for treating diarrhea...
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02-25-2012 15:33
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I wish I had a twin so I could have every other day off of work.
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02-26-2012 07:32 by
flinnie
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Hand sanitizer is the best way to find invisible cuts on your hands.
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10-18-2011 09:21 by
SuthernFukr
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2013: The year the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section to comedy.
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10-24-2011 20:30 by
g0re
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Candyland tastes like cardboard.
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10-26-2011 22:13
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if you are down & need a friend, call me...if you need to borrow money, the number you have dialed is no longer in service
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11-11-2011 01:22 by
Eddy
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Lonely and unloved? There's a cat for that.
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06-07-2012 13:52 by
Baddie
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Never tell a woman to calm down when she's drunk, it's like baptizing a cat. It's not gonna work
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06-15-2012 21:30
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I hope they gave this year's Nobel Prize to the dude who invented Yoga Pants.
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06-28-2012 22:18 by
BEGO
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Did you ever notice all the people in casino commercials are young, attractive and not in need of oxygen?
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07-01-2012 22:27 by
Steve OH
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R.I.P. Andy Griffith..........There's a new sheriff in town!
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07-03-2012 10:14 by
Abraham Lincoln
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I was seeing a therapist for trust issues, but I had to quit going when I found out he was seeing other patients.
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07-06-2012 13:27 by
Czovczov
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