santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Omg.. Why does Lady Gaga look like a skeleton.. Jesus! Its almost Christmas! B!tch is bout 2 months behind!

   some weird fat man with a white beard wearing red clothes just shoved me into a big red sock... OK people, which one of you asked to get me for Christmas??

   i just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by getting my daughters batteries with toys not included for Christmas this year.

   Can't wait for the fat man to show up on Christmas eve, and no I'm not talking about Trump.

   Call me old-fashioned but I think the best part about Christmas is having your fist inside a 28-pound flightless bird.

   Fool the kids into thinking this will be the best Christmas ever by circling all the expensive stuff in the Argos catalogue

   Dear God, When I was young I said always wanted to be a hip-hop rapper...Not a Christmas gift wrapper...in a mall...on a rainy Wednesday. FML

   The best thing about having a head shrinker for a friend is knowing that I'll be getting a little head for Christmas.

   Since the Jonas brothers break up.. they've come to an agreement to see each other during the holidays. . .

   ghost of christmas past but it’s just the clothes that used to fit before the pandemic

   Never buy my grandchildren's christmas presents in november. They really seem fun...and Christmas is in more than a month...oh what the heck: I have to try them. It's party time!

   Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.

   I feel confidence they're going to be able to hammer out a stimulus deal by Christmas.....of 2021

   "Walking In a Wonderland" is a great Christmas song for Southerners to keep in mind since they don't know how to drive in it.

   I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live

   Enough with the pro-Xmas vs con-Xmas: IT IS FESTIVUS!

   Getting Christmas gifts for my kids gets harder as they get older, mostly because I can't remember where I hid them.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   christmas has been cancelled this year due to santa being fired for inappropriate behavior by asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...

   I asked Santa for Natalie Portman for Christmas. He said "No, you'll shoot her eye out".