santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am everyone's great big bag of weed when they come home for the holidays.

   guess I have got to that stage in life where I am either too old for presents or my family has converted to hinduism in my abscense :(

   i hope santa brings me my post apocalyptic survival kit tomorrow! aka: a 12 pack

   midgets who are actors and actresses must love the Xmas season. every movie or commercial that remotely deals with Santa has at least 2000 of em'

   If you wake up with a weird taste in your mouth on Chrismas morning, just remember that Santa only comes once a year...

   My friends are all putting pictures of their kids on their Christmas cards. I dont have kids so I might put a picture of money on mine.

   Santa is like a repair man, says he will be there between 12 and 4 and shows up at 5. What a jerk

   I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   [a cat sitting in the sleigh impassively knocking presents out into the Pacific Ocean] Rudolph: Santa Claws, NO

   All I want for Christmas is an air hockey table. It will go great with my air guitar.

   Hey ... Santa saw your Facebook pictures .... Santa saw your Facebook pictures. … Looks like you're going to be getting some clothes and a Bible for Christmas ....

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   The Hot New Toy this Christmas season will be "Outsource Me Elmo" Which is simply an empty box as Elmo's job has now gone to a Muppet in Asia.

   Santa is that a toy in your bag or are you just happy to se me..

   After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.

   was surprised to receive a compliment about his VW Jetta today - especially at a Mazda/GM car dealership. The salesman said: "Well German engineering, you can't go wrong. I just can't believe they killed so many Jews. You have a Merry Christmas."

   Not setting my expectation high this Xmas, since I shall not be kissed under a mistletoe I shall accept to be kissed by a camel-toe.

   With Christmas just around the corner, it's important to remember to never trust electronics buying advice from people who have Beats headphones.

   My girlfriend wants something for Christmas that goes 0-200 in 3 seconds...So I think I will get her a scale.