life Funny Status Messages

   The Best Things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we KISS, CRY, and DREAM.

   Everyone is always talking about "getting high on Life" but this cereal sucks and it hurts my nose..

   Why do ppl say the new year I'll change, things will better, I'm doing this or that, make resolutions...why do they wait till a new year has begun...you have the ability to change your life any day or month of the year...New Year, big deal....

   Penguins mate once and stay together for life. All those failed relationships you had? Penguins are kicking your ass.

   I wish my life was more like a professional wrestler's. I'd walk into work with entrance music, pyrotechnics, and a laser light show.

   Channel X Is Temporarily Not In Service. Please Tune In To Your Own Life For Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast.

   some advice for the youngsters on Facebook. You can do anything you want to do in life, unless Jay Leno wants to do it too

   It seems like my life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.

   What came first? The alcohol or the bad life decision?

   You know, if Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it's time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here!

   I'm beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.

   According to my calculations, 2025 is going to be the best year ever - I will finally run out of Conditioner the same time as the Shampoo, It's the little things in life I tell ya!

   My life may be a mess but at least I know the difference between "your" and "you're".

   Life should be more like ice hockey. When someone ticks you off, you can beat the living daylights out of them then sit in the Penalty Box for 5 minutes.

   My life coach just advised me to,,, "run out the clock"

   They say every cigarette you smoke takes 7 minutes off your life. I have now officially removed the adult-diaper years...

   made an observation at the drug store today. There's an aisle that pretty much sums up the phases of life in products. Diapers, condoms, and adult diapers. From peeing in your pants, to lots of sex, then, back to peeing in your pants.

   Life ain't nothing but: female dogs and gardening tools!

   Each cigarette you smoke takes six minutes off your life. A friend of mine was such a heavy smoker he actually went back in time.

   And the Lord said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life..." But John came fifth and won a toaster.