santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   With the holidays, I'd rather check my facebook than face my checkbook...

   Anyone who thinks that overweight people are slow moving, may I remind you of how fast Santa Claus knocked out those gift deliveries a little over a month ago?

   The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.

   Why are Halloween costumes so skanky??? Sorry Christmas, "ho ho ho" is now a more appropriate greeting for Halloween...

   - Little boy writes to Santa: Please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: Ok, send me your mother.

   I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping. I took my girlfriend into 8 different pubs without a drink, and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.

   Dear Santa, the cookies are real,, NOT gluten free, and there's normal mink,, NOT soy milk,,,, so you don't sh *t all over our chimney like last year

   The weather man (drug dealer) says I can have a white Christmas (cocaine) with plenty of trees (weed) and now I'm happy (broke)

   I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.

   DEAR SANTA, When you're done with it... Can I have the naughty girl list????

   Mowing the grass on December 1st. Like every year, I'm having a green Christmas.

   so many kids give carrots to the reindeer on Christmas & as they're flying you never hear of any droppings hitting a car or a roof.....id like to see that insurance claim

   Just because you have a guitar, Christmas outfit and the Christmas tree doesn't necessarily mean you have the talent to sing on Facebook.

   Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for

   To people who have Christmas lights flashing blue in their yard........ can you remove them? Every time I pass, I think it's the cops and I have to remove my foot from the accelerator, slam on my brakes, put my seat belt on, throw my phone on the floor, h

   Sorry I accidentally told your wife about your "secret iphone" at the company Christmas party.

   santa was right when he looked at you and said "ho ho ho"

   I'm having a Deja vu of Christmas posts

   Has finally found my Christmas spirit. Now if I could just remember where I put those candy cane shot glasses, I could start drinking it...

   I think I'd rather be waterboarded than have to hear one more Xmas song.